In Autumn
by Red Weather Tiger
Summary: It's fall in a new country, and Fai cannot help but think about what autumn means, and what cold memories it brings up.


**In Autumn**

Outside on the park bench Fai finally found some time to think. It had been quite a while since he had just sat and watched the world go by.

Everywhere around him there were people walking through the park, their heads hung low, their coats buttoned up to their necks, making their way stubbornly through the bitter evening air. It was this biting cold that marked the true beginning of fall. In such weather it was impossible to leave the house without a coat, impossible to keep trying to pretend it was summer and that the sun would keep away the frost. It was the biting cold that reminded everyone, especially Fai, that winter was on its way. There was really no way to hide from it. It was coming whether they liked it or not.

Fai sat and watched these people go by without really noticing they were there. He was gloveless, hatless and scarf-less, his coat was unbuttoned and his face was exposed to the harsh wind that howled through the trees around him. He hardly noticed; he had never really minded the cold. This weather was nowhere near as harsh as he had experienced before. The autumn air was almost warm in comparison to some of the winters he'd suffered through in the past.

Yet, as Fai sat there, he couldn't help but frown. While the cold had never bothered him, he still found himself hating this time of year. As he looked around him, at the leafless trees and rusting lawns, he knew why. Autumn was a time of death. In fall, very flower and blade of grass that had once been so beautiful and had once tried so hard to survive, just gave up, letting the cold twist them, dry them and turn them brown. He hated to watch them as they lie prostrate on the ground, allowing themselves to be trampled on and ground into the dirt like they were nothing, like everything they'd worked for didn't matter. Most of all, he hated knowing that someday soon all of the dead plants would be covered over with a thick, heavy blanket of snow- the final Reaper. Anything resilient enough to have survived the fall would be frozen by the snow and ice of winter.

Engrossed in his own thoughts, Fai hardly even noticed when Kurogane came walking down the park path toward him. It was only when he heard the light, determined footsteps that he had grown so familiar with that Fai realized he was there. He turned when Kurogane was only a few steps away from him, and plastered a smile on his face so as not to give his previous thoughts away.

"Hello there, Kuro-wan," he said, happily. "You found me. It didn't take you very long."

"Yeah, well, the park isn't that big." Kurogane, who Fai only now noticed was holding two steaming cups in his hand, sat down next to him. "Just don't make a habit out of wandering off. You scared the Princess and the Kid."

"And you?" Fai asked, taking the cup that Kurogane handed him and drinking from it eagerly.

Kurogane didn't answer. He leaned back, spreading his long legs out in front of him, and looked out over the park like Fai had been only a few moments before.

Fai turned away so that Kurogane couldn't see him smile. "And where are the children now?" he asked.

"I sent them back home. It's almost time for dinner anyway."

"I see."

They sat in silence for a while, both of them sipping coco and staring as the world went by around them, lost in thought. Suddenly, all Fai could think about was how warm Kurogane's body was, sitting next to him.

After a few moments Kurogane cleared his throat and sat up a bit. Fai tensed. Usually when Kurogane did that it meant he had something to say.

"You gonna tell me what was on your mind a minute ago?" He glanced at Fai, who was careful to keep his gaze straight ahead. "You didn't exactly look happy."

Fai closed his eyes and took a deep breath in. Kurogane always had to ask the toughest questions, didn't he? "Nothing, Kuro-pii," he said after a moment's thought. "Just…fall."

Kurogane scoffed, "What about it?"

"It reminds me of winter."

Kurogane nodded, remaining silent for a moment. Fai grasped his cup harder to keep his hands from shaking.

Finally, Kurogane shrugged, "It's just winter."

"Yes, well, not so long ago my winter and your winter were very different, Kuro-rin." Fai managed to glance over at Kurogane and caught his eye. They stared at each other for a moment, both frowning, both unsure of what to say.

Kurogane was first to break the stare. "In my world," he said, "winter was welcomed as a time of… renewal, of starting over. Everything died so that next spring new things could grow up in its place. Things grew better, healthier than the year before, because winter made room for them. I've never seen anything wrong with that."

Fai laughed a bit to himself, "Your world must be a lot like this one. You had seasons."

"Yeah, don't most worlds?"

"I suppose most do, but not all." Fai looked down at his hands as they held his cup of cocoa and watched as they trembled from the mere thought of his old world. "In my country," he said, his voice barely a whisper, "winter never ended. It was always cold, and everything was always covered in ice and snow. Nothing grew. Nothing lived. I don't like to be reminded."

Kurogane shifted uncomfortably, whenever Fai talked about his old world it reminded him that the magician's whole demeanor, his whole happy character, was a lie. It reminded him that this was who Fai really was, a sad man, lonely and despairing. He didn't like it.

"But you're not there," Kurogane said, his thumb playing with the edge of his cup. "You don't live there anymore. And you're never going back, so why worry about it? Why think about it at all?"

Fai smiled bitterly, "Are you saying that a change of scenery is supposed to make me feel better, make me forget?" he tried to laugh, but it came out sounding more like a sob. "Does that mean, Kuro-puu, that when you get back to your own world you'll be able to forget all of the terrible things you may see on this journey?"

"I'm saying that it's stupid to worry about things that happened in a different place, in a different time. You're here now. Worry about that." Kurogane stood up, gulped down the last of his cocoa and threw the cup in the trash can next to the bench. "And I like to think that when I get home I'll remember more than just the bad things about this journey. I like to think I'll remember the good stuff too."

Fai looked up at Kurogane, who was staring down at him in a very peculiar way. He looked angry, frustrated, like he always did, but there was more than that. Underneath it all there was softness, as if, more than anything else, he felt sorry for Fai.

It took all of Fai's might to make himself smile, but he did it because he hated to see Kurogane look at him that way, "Perhaps you're right, Kur-gi. Please," he added, waving a hand, "don't mind me; I just get a little down sometimes."

"So I've noticed."

"Well, it needn't be any concern of yours." Fai closed his eyes and took a deep breath, he seemed to be calming himself. Then he stood up and slipped his arm into Kurogane's. "Thank you for the cocoa," he said. "It was very kind of you."

"Yeah well," Kurogane shrugged, "It's… cold."

They started off down the path. Fai, without really realizing it, rested his head against Kurogane's arm as they walked. Kurogane didn't say anything. Fai sighed, a real smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "It's not so cold, Kuro-rinta," he said.


End file.
